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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit up Hauptstraße. Gotta love that street. It’s like the main vein of the town. Grabbed a coffee at this cute little café, Café Planken. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? Ugh, tasted like burnt rubber. I mean, c’mon! How hard is it to brew a decent cup?

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